I need an A

Problem: I need an A in my Econ course to get into my college's education program. My only grade in this class is a 74. I only get one more test and a quiz. I'm pretty sure this is impossible. It's only slightly my fault that I got a 74. The rest is the fault of a certain VW Jetta that decided that right before my exam was a great time to shatter it's fly wheel. That was a fun night. Erik had to come and pick me up, with crying baby in tow. The standard transmission gave out on the only hill between me and my test. I managed (with help) to get it off the street into a reserved parking spot. Then I had to rush the test. I completed the 50 questions in under 10 minutes. Then I had to rush out and help Erik get the car towed to Coventry. We didn't kill each other in the process though. I am still proud of that fact.

When I was young I used to rub my feet together just for the sensation. As we lay in bed I feel Rhea's little feet pushing into my thigh and I wonder if she is doing it because it's a new feeling she likes.
Sometimes I am completely overwhelmed by the little things she let's me experience anew. With all the horrible in the world I can appreciate her beauty.

This is uncomfortable

I choose to breastfeed my daughter. Not as much thought went into making the decision as some may think. It’s the first way any animal feeds their offspring, it’s easy and it is cheap. That’s pretty much it.

What I didn’t expect was how much other people feel they have a right to infringe their opinions upon my choice. How people feel they can comment on how they think breastfeeding is gross. Now many moms might tell me to ignore these people but I have a hard time doing that. This is all brand new to me and sometimes I feel a little lost and confused.

I’m not an exhibitionist. I don’t enjoy flashing my boobs around in public but I need to feed my baby. I also don’t want to be shut off from society in some small room because breastfeeding makes people uncomfortable. Why is it so hard to accept someone else’s choice and leave them alone?

If someone chooses to bottle fed I don’t get all upset. That is their choice made for their own private reasons. I couldn’t judge someone because they are doing something different from what I’m doing.

I’m extra sensitive to this because this is my first week back at work and I’m pumping to feed Rhea. The way my office is set up I have no place to pump in private (except for an office that has windows and walls that don’t go all the way to the ceiling). I am not particularly upset about this but I know there are people I work with who will be. Not like it is any of their business but I guess that doesn’t matter. I also have to walk past a bunch of guys who look at me like; ewwww gross, when I go to clean my equipment.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I didn’t expect the mild revulsion that some people show towards a natural act. That is still throwing me for a loop.

Still, if I ever have another child I will still choose to breastfeed. It’s a lot of work and at times painful but I really do love the closeness it brings to the mother-child relationship. Plus, its WAAAYYYY cheaper than formula. ;-)

I totally forgot to write my entry that I spent all day thinking about. Poop.

There is so much to do

I've been trying to map out what I want to do in the near and distant future. It's difficult. I really want my freaking degree to be completed. I'm about halfway there. This is incredibly disheartening because it's taken me around five years to get this far. If I keep going at this pace I will be 30 before I graduate. This normally wouldn't be a big deal but I really freaking want my degree.



I want to go to OCS and become an Officer. There I said it. It's always been my little dream and I want to make it happen. I need my degree for it.



I will keep plugging away and see if I can make things work. I'll keep doing one class a semester until I'm 30 if I need to.



The other blank spot is Erik's upcoming deployment. I will be a single parent for a year. That means I probably shouldn't be adding to my work load. OCS gets pushed back another year. Oh well, so be it.



I have struggled the past few months about what to write here. I've lost a good amount of my focus and can't seem to bring it back inline. I'm hoping that returning to work next week will help. I really enjoy my job. I'm not as good at it as I should be but I'm going to start working on that when I go back. More focus on personal improvement. I'm going to work on my (severly lacking) photo skills and my atrophied video editing skills. Also I'm going to work on my physical fitness (because I want to look hot in my bikini this summer damn it!).



In other news:

Rhea had her two month check up and here are her stats:

11 lbs, 6 ounces (50th percentile)

22.5 inches long (25th percentile)

16 inch diameter head (97th percentile) GIANT FREAKING HEAD!!!!

She had her shots which she didn't like but got over relatively quickly.



This is what's been on my mind lately.

I'm happy being a mom. Its draining and overwhelming at times but then she will look at me and its worth it. She makes me want to be a better person.

Prepping for spring

I want to grow some vegatables so I can cut some costs at the grocery store. I'm not sure how large it's going to be. Mostly container gardening though because our soil is pretty raunchy. So definately string beans, some form of loose leaf lettuce and summer squash. I'm not sure what else. Any suggestions?

I should get started soon.
Monday is the start of my last week of maternity leave. Rhea starts daycare on March 1. I'm sad that I won't be spending all day with her but I'm also happy to be getting back to work.