Being alone is depressing

Wake up
Take care of the mag-face
Shower, maggie opens the bathroom door and lets the heat out
Put mag in cage and leave
Stop at Tim Horton's for breakfast
Arrive at work
Sit down, check email
Dont do any thing really productive
Leave early for school
Go home, let maggie out, try to find something quick to eat and dont do dishes...
Watch TV until the meaning of life makes me want to curl up and cry
Let Maggie out and brush teeth
Get in bed and cry


No wonder I'm depressed.

That crushed feeling in my chest

Sometimes I hate the fact that Humans cant be like normal animals. You know with few thoughts to where they belong in the world, what happens when they die. Things of that nature.

Sometimes thinking about death paralyzes me with fear. I struggle daily with trying to understand what will happen. Don't get me wrong, I don't fear my own death not really. What wakes me up in the middle of the night gasping for breath is not understanding what happens when we go.

Its not that I don't believe in heaven or if I do. Its the lacking of understanding. The overwhelming sense of "oh what is going to happen to me, what will nothing feel like?"

I just want to shake these things off and live a full life but I can't live a day without it imposing itself on me.

New Direction

I really want to make this blog interesting but I dont have all that much to say...
I would like to write about my incredibly exciting life that people would be jealous to hear about but it just doesnt work that way. I couldnt invent an interesting enough life to write about. So I guess I'll just have to work with what I have.

GOALS:

1) Start working out again (Tomorrow- find a plan and implement it)

2) Save more cash

3) Get serious about work

Guess What?

... Yes I am still in Iraq with nothing to say...

I should be getting promoted in about half an hour. I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand, "hell yeah! I'm getting promoted." and on the other hand, "oh man... I'm getting promoted." I know I should be really excited but I am torn between actually getting promoted but then I feel like I may not be ready for it. I know silly stuff to worry about now that it is about to happen but oh well.

I cant wait to get the hell out of Iraq. Please keep the mortars off of us until we get out.

Terrible Wife

Okay I feel like a crapppy wife! Erik's award ceremony was today and just guess who wasn't there? You got it, yours truly missed the ceremony. But of course he was there for mine. Thats just the way it goes. Then he tells me that he feels like we are just too different some times. This is really seeming to bother him and my reaction when he tells me? Well duh. I thrive on the differences though and they seem to stifle him. So what to do? I feel like telling him I worry that we wont make it either when we get home but that might make it worse. Am I just avoiding problems or am I taking the right path? This can be so difficult.

Upcoming:

1. Leave Iraq

2. Arrive back home

3. Try to move into apartment

4. Go on cruise

Problems: Fear that I will get sea sick on cruise. Not having any clothes to wear because like an idiot I threw them all out when I deployed.

Question: Why are gladiator sandels popular? They look gross on my feet. I refuse to buy a pair. I like my $4.oo Old Navy flip flops way better.

Introduction...

Okay. Here we go...

Married (9 mths)
Deployed to Iraq (9 mths)
Enrolled in college (3 yrs)

Brown hair, eyes
Avg. height, weight
Age: 21
Birthday: Dec

Job: Broadcast journalist, retail, nanny

I am really not finding much to say about myself right now. Once I get a hang of this I'm sure more will come out.