The Megington Trust

Someone made a comment last week about me being the brains of my marriage. Its not the first time I've heard it and it wont be the last (sometimes I think it myself) but I really feel as if, if anything, that I am just holding the wheel for a little bit. I have no strong desire to be the Alpha in our little family.

The truth is my relationship frequently baffles me. Do I or do I not want to be in charge? Yes or no? The answer is YES I DO!!!! and also NO I DONT. I like being in control but I dont like all the responsiblities that come along with it. I dont want to play mom or bill collector for my husband.

So Im the Megington Trust Bank for now, just holding the reins until hes ready to share the load and make responsible decisions together.

heavy sigh......

Im watching NCIS right now and the plot line is paranoid schizophrenic who imagines a person who advises him of a plot involving Iraqi war money. The deal is this guy "talks" with an imaginary person for two years before anyone figures out there is something wrong.

It makes you wonder the things we could be subject to from our own brains. The stuff we just dont understand about ourselves. I know it freaks other people out. It freaks me out.

Oh I went running with Erik's dad today. I sucked. I remember when I wouldn't sweat after 3 miles. Well I barely finished out two and I had to walk. How mortifying! I had to walk in front of The Burmeister...

I had avoided that just for that reason. I dont want them to know my weakness. It bothers me, but I'll get over it.

Thoughtful

Let me clarify my last post about decorating my house. I love E and R for giving us all of the help. E especially, cause she single handily decorated my house in two days. Its not finished yet but it looks ten times better than it did.

I was thinking about friendships today and why I have this adverse reaction to developing them. I have a friend who I recently started backing away from. She started telling me more about her life and then like clock work I distance myself.

The weird thing is that she didn't have anything crazy special that was like "whoa". So I started thinking about that and why I did it.

I think it is because I expect people to be perfect. Not messy and confusing like my own life. How weird is that? Erik isn't perfect and I don't expect him to be, so how come my friends have to be?

I dont know why but now that I know I do it hopefully I can work on it.

New Job

So the new year brings new things like a new Job. Its the same job I do now but with more money and more responsiblities. Well bring it! I'm ready.

My step mother in law stopped by to "help" decorate. By help I mean overwhelm me with ideas to the point where I was picking one out of ten. The living room looks nice now though.


PS- Im watching Mark and Olly: Living with the Machigenga and they are hilarious. Mark especially is one snarky jerk.

Foolish

I made an ass of myself today. I backed my car into a fire hydrant in front of several high ranking officers at the homecoming today. No excuse for it, I wasn't paying attention and blam.

Erik's first question? "Did you hurt the car?"

Answer "Nope, I'm okay though."

I'm fine. You know my pride is hurt a little and I have decided to swear off Quonset for a bit but still whole and healthy. Everything embarassing that happens to me in the military happens at Quonset. Vomit and fire hydrant accidents jeez.

Super tired with a headache.

Silent treatment = peace and quiet

So I am exhausted again. M and I did a 3 mile road march with 25lb packs and it wiped me out. I know it doesnt seem like all that much but it puts a hurt on me.

Tomorrow will have to be upper body because I wont be able to move my lower body.

My brain is fuzzy and I have had this incredible fantasy playing in my head all day. We win the lottery using one of the tickets the haji-looking guy gave us at the gas station. Then we go out an by a huge chunk of land where we can have horses and sheep. We can build eco-friendly homes for the whole family.

I would love that!

Busy day

I feel like the energy has been sucked out of me. I got home from work/grocery store at 6:30. Then I took the dogs for a quick run/walk(already ran once today) and came in to start cooking. I finished cooking at 8:00. Now I have been sitting since then trying to relax but between the dogs and the phone I feel not relaxed.

I really wanted to paint the office tonight but I am pretty much done in.

Plus its not really fun.

New Dog

I had a bright idea. So we got an other dog to be Maggie's friend. The only thing is that he needs alot of people attention because he isnt very well socialized and it takes away from the attention I would like to give Maggie.

For instance right now as I type Jake is laying right near me while Maggie is caged in the other room. Why? Because they cant calm down together and Jake howls if hes left alone.

Dont get me wrong I still think getting another dog is a good idea, it's just that I cant wait until hes fully intergrated into the family and I dont have to worry about dividing my time.

It doesnt stop the guilt from surfacing when I can't give Magface the attention she deserves.

P.S. I think Erik hates Jake (which makes me feel bad for Jake).

Domestic Goddess Part II

OK... I am pretty close to fucking losing it on Erik when he gets home. Im on my way home from class and he starts bitching about how the dogs will crap on "his" lawn and make it have dead spots. My arguement is duh of course the dogs will crap on the lawn. If you want a nice lawn then you have to remove the crap. End of story. That doesnt sit well with him. He wants a dog run.

Alrighty then, dog run. Whatever. Thats fine really as long as he realizes that a dog will not always poop where expected and if we let them on the "his" lawn then they will probably poop there to. (I just dont want the dogs to be restricted to the dog run for their entire outside experience- reason for me being against the dog run)

Then he gets all huffy because the house isnt clean yet (previous owners were sloppy and dirty). ~Fine by me. Maybe he'll actually consider cleaning up after himself for once. ~ WRONG, it's my fault the house isnt clean. So the tangled up extension cords in the breeze way? I put them there. The socks on the floor of our bedroom? My fault. The dirty dishes in the sink? Me again!

Now I really do realize that I create just as much mess but come on man! Seriously, you want me to clean the entire house and pick up your leavings while I'm at it?! Who the fuck do you think I am? Martha Stewart or one of those Stepford Wives?

Last time I checked I was neither and its not going to change anytime soon so maybe you should start putting in some time instead of fliting from project to project like some hummingbird with ADHD.

That said I really do love my husband. For all his quirky strange habits and inspite of his "master of the universe" attitude sometimes, he is still my honey bunches. A little understanding can go a long way boy-o!