Thinking:
I am completely amazed that my bladder has remembered how to retain more than .25 ounces of pee. I don't have to pee every 5 seconds anymore!!!

This is me...

I am not an artist by any means but I had nothing to blog about today so I drew me instead. Hope you like it.

Rhea managed to projectile vomit up my nose yesterday. I was sitting in bed, feeding her and talking to Erik, when all of a sudden. Blaph!!!

right handed interneting

I slept a ton today and last night. I mean a shit load of sleep (measured using newborn-baby-in-the-house standards) so like five hours.

It honestly isn't horribly bad. I think I remember being more sleep deprived in basic training but then I got to sleep in somewhat solid chunks of sleep. And there was always that one blessed night a week when I didn't have fire guard duty.

I have had a couple of crying jags where I beg Rhea to just go to sleep but I think my count for those is around two. This is working fine right now. I'm already worrying about events in the future though. I have a long, long test series I have to take on January 15 and I have no clue how I will survive it without my boobs exploding on my chest.

Don't get me wrong, I actually like breast feeding but I can't go much longer than 2.5 hours without becoming painfully full.

Ok I have to burp Rhea now so I'll get back to this later.

Thinking: how do I teach a one week old that nighttime = sleep time.

You're all awesome

and so am I.

I feel great today. Rhea woke up twice to eat during a six hour stretch so I've gotten a ton of sleep compared to the past few days. AND I PUT ON PRE PREGNANCY JEANS TODAY!!!

So what if they used to be my fat jeans and now just barely fit over my thighs? Eventually I'll get to where I feel comfortable in my own clothes again. I'll be super happy to burn my freaking spandex jeans. A giant bonfire of celebration.

My boobs have morphed into two rock which just sit on my chest. I'm still getting into the swing of how to use these puppies so engorgement is a bit of an issue. Rhea has been most helpful with keeping them empty. I have yet to put cabbage in my bra but I wouldn't hesitate if I thought I needed it.

So yeah, I feel pretty damn good and hope that it continues for a little bit. Good luck to everyone and have a Merry Christmas (and Happy Holidays).

And now the rest of our lives

December 17th, 2010 at 10:00 a.m. was the start of the rest of our lives. Rhea was born and now is already three days old. I'm not sure how much of my life is going to be altered but I have a sneaking suspicion that nothing will ever be the same.

Now for the birth story:

On Thursday evening I started have some stupid contractions that I figured weren't going to get any worse so I went to sleep. At around 1 a.m. I woke up to some stronger contraction-cramps that were about 3 minutes apart. Erik called the hospital and asked what they thought we should do. They told us to come in anyway because when your 40 weeks along it's better to come in.

We got to the hospital at around 4ish and they put us in a room. I wasn't convinced at this point that we were going to have the baby but the contractions kept coming and my back was killing me. At about 7 in the morning the nurse managed to get the Doctor (not mine but one of her partners) to sign off on my epidural. The epidural process was so easy and quick. The most painful part of the whole process was the Dr rubbing my back with his knuckle to find the right spot. (I have to include that next part but I want to emphasize that Erik was awesome during the whole process.)

While I was getting set up for the epidural the Dr. said, "OK now don't move for this next part." and as soon as he said it Erik kicked the table as he got up to walk away because he can't watch other people get stuck with needles. Nothing horrible happened and I finally had my blessed epidural. The Nurses told us, "we'll be back in to check you and we'll probably have this baby around 11:30."

Finally I managed to get some sleep. At around 8:30ish I woke up feeling the contractions more and I had a moment of panic. What if the epidural wears off and I can feel everything?!!! I sat there for a few contractions (still not really believing that today was the day) and tried to decide what to do...

Finally I made Erik wake up (he was sleeping on the pull out bed) and go tell the nurses I was feeling pressure. They came in, checked me, then Dr. Samale came in and checked me and it was game on!

I had to call my mom and tell her to hurry up because if she didn't she would miss all the action. She got there right as they were coaching me on how to push. It's pretty easy once they show you where to tense your muscles. I was able to laugh at some of the nurse's jokes during delivery, that's how good the epidural was.

Once Mom got there it was pretty much push, push, push. The epidural didn't wear off but I could feel when I needed to push. I'm going to have Erik write up his experiences and I'll post it here because I was pretty focused at this point and I'm sure I missed a lot.

At 10:00 Rhea entered this world. It was amazing. I couldn't get over how big she was and that she was actually there. I had spent all this time waiting for her to show up and finally she was here!

So far everything is going relatively smoothly. I haven't gotten much sleep because Rhea is a voracious eater so I'm sorry if this post is scattered and riddled with grammatical errors. Hopefully once things settle down I will be able to go back and organize my thoughts so that I can write about how incredibly moving this whole experience was and continues to be for me.

You really can not be prepared for how awesome the whole process is.

13 hours and then some more time

They expect me to raise a responsible human being?

Facebook is not working right on my work computer so I’m restricted to actually working and attempting to Facebook on my IPhone. I can’t even think about Google’s blog site or the computer Nazis will lock me up. This is not working and I’m becoming irrational.

Maybe I can sneak out of the office, oh six hours early and go home to Facebook. That would be cool right? Neither Boss1 nor Boss2 is in work today so I think I can do it…

See? The above statement is exactly how pregnancy has changed me. I’ve never been one of those people who are too busy doing IMPORTANT WORK THINGS to admit that sometimes I DO HAVE FREE TIME at the office but, I would never admit those things on the internet. Now, with my due date exactly 13 hours away and approaching like an out of control Mack truck, I just can’t shut off the faucet that is leaking all those things I shouldn’t say.

I’m having a hard time with work. I may suddenly have to rush off and not return for 6 weeks. How the hell do I start new work projects with that hanging over my head? It makes me cranky and distracted.

Plus I’m hungry and my dog has scratched the back of her head off. I’m not kidding. There is a 1 inch by 3 inch long strip of oozing flesh on the back of Maggie’s head right now. At random points in the day I torture myself thinking about how much worse it will be once I get home. The vet doesn’t open until 2 so I can’t even set up an appointment. Last night I attempted to stem the damage and tapped up her back paws. So as I type this she is probably eating the remains of the wrappings in between scratch breaks. (BTW it was hilarious watching her walk around with the booties on.)

There was something I really wanted to add to this post but I forgot what it was....

The Apex of Anti Social Behavior

I sit in line at the drive thru and then park my car and eat in it. Why do this? So I don't have to interact with people. Seriously, I cannot stand going in to a fast food restaurant.

Update: someone just had the same brilliant idea and now we are staring awkwardly at each other from our cars. Crap.

Piano Sonata No. 2 in B-flat minor, Movement 3

I have been fooling myself and everyone else. I am terrified of labor! Like, HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How can I possibly push this thing out of my VAGINA? Oh man it will never be the same! I take it back I don't want to reproduce!

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OK I don't feel better but I do feel a bit more honest.

I'm scared of heights and what I feel is like being the next person in line to jump off the rappel tower. Not only do I have to do it but I have to wait to do it. Who wants to do that?! Not this girl, no way. I have to though. There is absolutely no medical reason for me to not give birth vaginally so I can't back out now.

Not to mention I would like sole possession of my body again. That would be nice.

We (Erik, me and the unborn) went to see Dr. Barbie yesterday. She passed her exam in Dallas (thank god I don't have an incompetent Dr.). I think she offered to induce me today but I said no (because I am terrified). I am 4 cm dilated and the baby's head is "right there". Whatever I've heard it all before. So she doesn't think she'll see me at my next appointment and then she ran off to do a c-section in Providence.

NOTE TO SELF: You aren't a huge fan of this Dr. so don't get any false loyalty.

This is the breakdown of who thinks what day will be the day:

Me: Never
Erik: Doesn't care
Mom: Tomorrow
Dad: 19th
Boss1: 21st (thanks a lot jerk)
Boss2: 14th
Coworker 12th

I haven't really asked anyone else.....

Today is chore day. I'm planning on cleaning the bathroom, bedroom, laundry and washing the floors. Sometime soon I also have to seal the grout in the bathroom. Otherwise it will be yucky.

The waiting is getting difficult. 4 days left until my due date.

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Soon my daughter will be born. A lot of people mention how before they have concerns about what will happen when their child is born. I admit that I am among those people but, it doesn't seem as big of a thing to me as I thought it would be. I don't know what I'm trying to say really. Its like late pregnancy has made me completely scatterbrained. (Example: I just spent 2 minutes trying to think of the word, scatterbrained.)

A better today

Today is much better than yesterday. I'm still frustrated by the impending arrival of my daughter (still sounds weird to say) but, I'm less desperate and more relaxed.

The deal is that life is unpredictable. I've learned this lesson time and time again but occasionally one can forget when so caught up in living life. This is one of those reminders that the universe tosses my way sometimes. I can appreciate the lesson and take it to heart.

I won't have much longer to feel her move inside me. Soon she will truly be an individual and I'll never get this time back. It makes me wonder about things.

I can find my own mother in a room of a hundred people wearing a blindfold with both hands tied behind my back. It's her scent. It's not a soap, lotion or perfume because she changes those pretty frequently. It the smell that is uniquely her. To this day nothing calms me faster than breathing in that smell. Will Rhea be the same way with me? Will she feel the same sense of relief I got as a child when my mom would come to check on me before going to bed?

I hope so. If there is anything one thing my mother gave me that I would want to pass on to my daughter it would be that sense of love so strong that it makes everything alright in the world.

There are more things I wonder about but I think I'll stop there for tonight.

Only slightly unhinged

I started off this morning crying, sobbing actually, because I am still pregnant. I have been having unproductive contractions since 36 weeks and I’m now 38 weeks and 5 days. I like to think if it just wasn’t for the stupid contractions that I wouldn’t be having such an issue but I don’t know for sure if that’s true.Poor Erik, I don’t think he was aware that having a baby meant living with an inconsolable mess, shambling from one room to the next, moaning like something from the Living Dead for weeks without end.

I’m making light of it now but, this morning was bad. Really, really bad. I literally was sitting on my couch at five this morning, rocking back and forth, in the dark. I can’t begin to explain the overwhelming and varied emotions that have taken over my body and mind. I can’t control it or prevent it. The best I can do is try to control it and keep myself calm. I struggle with transitioning from one thing to another so I’m sure you can imagine how difficult it is for me to keep my sanity when I’ve been in the beginning stages of labor for over TWO WEEKS.

I’m excited for the birth of my daughter and can’t wait to meet this tiny person who is a combination of me and Erik. I want to see if she is going to be born with spiky, black hair like me or soft, bleached blonde hair like Erik. I can’t wait to count her fingers and toes and marvel over her poopy diapers. All of this makes me all the more frustrated when another contraction hits and I’m sitting there going, “could this be it?”

So if you are listening Rhea, Momma loves you and can’t wait to see you in person.

Chew, chew, chew, chew

Thats all I can hear right now. My dog gnawing on his chew toy.

I'm 38.5 weeks pregnant this week. I am hoping against hope that I give birth either before December 11 or after December 11. Erik is going to a concert he has been talking about since I've know him and I really don't want him to miss it. I will be very upset.

Plus we spent over $400 on the tickets. That would totally piss me off to waste that much dinero.

So if you are listening little baby, before or after December 11. Those are your options.

I have a Doctor's appointment tomorrow but I won't be seeing Dr. Barbie because she's in Dallas.
Instead I'll be seeing Dr. Samale. I have no clue who she is or what she is like... I'm dragging Erik along with me because I can.

I'm going to go troll the Internet now. Maybe boredom will send me into labor...

9:00 am - Ok so I have GOALS for today. I really, really need to get my butt in gear because I want to get this stuff done!

Pep talk over and now I'm going to go shower. Wish me luck with my chores and I'll come back and update you later.

10:20 am - So far I have completed:

• Moving old tiles, moving baby stuff and sweeping the floor.
• Now I have to go check my decorations in the basement.

3:49 pm - Sitting on the couch. I even wrapped a gift for my mom for christmas and picked up 3 gift cards for three of the four siblings we share. I have been more active in the past 7 hours than the last 7 weeks and guess what? Nothing thats what. This kid ain't moving.

WTF!!!!!!

Ok so had some awesome contractions last night. So strong that I was like, "Holy Shit, I don't know what I'm going to do if these get any worse."

Guess what happened after that. Come on guess.

Yeah that's right, NOTHING!!!!!!
I'm back to stupid Braxton-Hicks.

I'm really pissed off about this. I know I'm not due until the 17th but I've been secretly hoping she'll come a little sooner. I guess that's not going to happen. I feel like turning off all the lights and rocking in a corner while sobbing uncontrollably.

I even stayed home from work today in the hopes that they would get worse but they didn't.