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Folding Laundry

Seriously, HOW MUCH CLOTHES DO ONE FAMILY NEED?!!!

I'm doing laundry every two days. We don't cloth diaper (regrettably) and both adults wear uniforms to work. Where is it all coming from?!

How many article of clothing can you live off of? I'm thinking a drastic reduction in clothes is in order. This seems to go against my vows to become more fashion conscience... I would have to return some of the 5 pairs of jeans I just bought.

Something to consider?

The 100 Things Challenge?

Gearing up

This is going to be a long year for us.

With Erik getting ready to leave and me staying behind. I'm trying to find the bright side, there are plenty. It just isnt enough right now. I'm going to miss my friend.

Hopefully it will be a quick and uneventful time and he will come back to us safe and sound.

Writing messages in bananas.

So I've torn up my living room and haven't done any more work on it. I really want to get it done soon though.

And I'm putting carpet down in the living room. I'm so excited!

blah blah blah

Erik is away right now. I miss him and am sad that we are going to be spending more time apart than together in the future.

Leapfest is coming up fast and I'm so tired. I can't wait for it to be over.

Stupid Iphone

My phone has been dropping the ball. I've texted about five quick blogs that haven't posted. I've also been too silly to check.

And now I can't remember what was so important about the posts I created. :(

Dec 17.

8 hours and 50 minutes before Rhea arrived.

And, last week.

This is what my living room is lacking.

It is also lacking insulation and a ceiling that isn't made out of some weird cardboard material but who cares about that?

*sigh*

Instead of posting a photo of my (still) messy spare bedroom I decided to paint my dining area. I'm only half way done. Why can't I focus? Oh yeah, I have a 16 lb distraction who desires my attention ALL. DAY. LONG.

Vacation

We almost didn't make it to Florida.

I accidentally scheduled our flights for the 8-14 while we were on vacation from the 1 to the 6. The nicest woman at the Southwest desk changed our flights without charging us. After we paid over $600 for the tickets the break was nice to say the least.

Erik and I are really enjoying ourselves. We are staying in my Grandmother's old double wide community home and I kind of like it. It makes me think about our (comparatively) giant house back home and feel weird. We don't need as much space as we have. Its really too much to take care of while we both work full time and have Rhea.

When we get home I'm going to really push to clean out the house from all the extra stuff we don't need. There is no reason for all the extras we have. Especially the clothes. Oh my lord the clothes! It's not like they are nice clothes either. How many t shirts do we really need? Not as many as we have that's for sure.

Next week I'll bite the bullet and post a photo of our disaster of a spare bedroom. Hopefully that will motivate me into organizing/cleaning.

(We paid over $200 for tickets to Sea World and Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum. With a military discount. THATS BULLSHIT!)

2 more days until Florida! I promise a large post then.

Rhea and her Papa

Sometimes, the love I feel sneaks up on me and just about knocks me off my feet.

CSA

I think buying a share in a CSA will be something we do next year. Erik really wants to do a meat share too...

http://simmonsorganicfarmri.com/csa/

I don't think we will be able to make enough veggies and definitely not enough fruit for the summer so this seems like an interesting option.

I love eating fresh and locally grown but I doubt I will ever have the skill or patience to grow on my own. I'll keep this in mind.

I feel as if I have been waiting for spring/summer for years. Something about the sudden approach of blue skies and hot weather is different now. Or maybe it's me. I feel like I've spent some much time waiting this past year. Now everything is finally here.

Creative parenting:
Sit your baby up in the middle of your bed (well barricaded), search cartoons on YouTube and get 20 minutes of extra sleep.

*feeling guilty that you have already poisoned your child with cartoons is essential.

I'm relaxing at home. No serious projects tomorrow. It's a nice feeling. The baby is sleeping.

That is supposed to say, God.

Good I need friends. I'm so pathetically friendless right now.

Home owner tip of the day:
If you don't have a paint brush handy, a blush brush works just as well for applying grout sealer.

Adventures in Breastfeeding

Rhea is getting close to six months old. This is the time that I have said I will wean her.

Pumping at work isn't too difficult... Really it's just annoying to stop working and go do nothing for a while. I know, I'm stupid for not wanting a break.

So anyway, I've been considering starting the process sooner. Weaning her this month instead of next. While mentally I'm on board with this plan, I can't seem to follow through with it. I love breastfeeding my baby.

I enjoy the sense of closeness and the ease of it compared to formula feeding.

Maybe I'm approaching it from the wrong direction. Instead of replacing nighttime feedings I should do daytime feedings first...

Or maybe I should just admit to myself that even though formula would allow me to share the responsibility of feeding Rhea, I'm just not ready to do it.

Hmpf.

Day three of operation milk-dry. Things are going ok. I've lost about 4 oz so far.
While this should make me happy it really doesn't. I'm sad and a little bit sick at heart. I don't really want to stop.
Breastfeeding is so easy compared to formula. I keep reminding myself that I'll be able to drink copious amount of booze and not have to schedule in pumping breaks but it isn't helping much...

My little baby is getting so big! In one month she will be half a year old. This makes me both sad and happy.

Ahh, the internets. Oh how I missed you! Not as much as I thought I would. TV I didn't miss at all. I'm glad I participated in Screen Free Week but I'm also glad it's over.

Right now Erik is out watching hockey, Rhea is asleep and the dogs are in bed. What am I going to do? Why go to sleep of course!

Catch you in the am!

PATW

About two and a half weeks until I take my first business trip without Rhea. I am very excited to go to the Public Affairs Training Workshop in Nevada. As both a broadcaster and print journalist in the National Guard it is odd that my skills in these areas have atrophied. I find myself doing more office work and lacking the time to devote myself to the more artistic side of my career. I keep lists, answer media queries and send out new releases. These things aren’t fun. I love my job but I am frustrated that I’m more reactive than proactive. So I’m embracing the PATW. This is a chance for me to really focus on the weaker side of my skill set. I am more than sad that I’ll have to leave Rhea for the four days. A part of me is very upset about this because I will miss her terribly. Another secret part of me is excited. I love being a mom, more than I ever thought I could, but this will be FOUR DAYS of uninterrupted showers. I will be able to sleep in!Holy cow poop, what am I going to do with myself? Also this will be a chance of Erik to bond with his daughter. By bond I mean be solely responsible for her health and well being. I’ve already warned the in-laws that they will offer limited assistance or face my wraith. Not that I want him to have a bad time, I just want him to fully immerse himself in parenting. I won’t be there to micromanage everything and I’m excited to see him really be present. I usually handle90% of Rhea’s care. (Because I am a tiny bit of a control freak…) So What? I also will probably have a mental breakdown while I’m gone because he doesn’t wash her hair the way I do. I know I’m ridiculous. I would have been more excited if they had been able to come with me but this isn’t bad either.

I'm sick and suffering from one of my rare bouts of insomnia. Erik is snoring next to me while Rhea tosses restlessly in her bassinet. My head is pounding and my ears are throbbing in counter point. Blech. I really hate being sick.

Good Day

I wasn't sick my entire pregnancy. In the past three weeks I have been more sick than I can ever remember being. As soon as I start feeling better something else comes along. I'm trying so hard to keep Rhea from catching what I have because I feel awful.

It's starting to look like I will have some time off next week. I am a nonessential person at my work. I really don't mind having unpaid time off. What I do mind is the fact that we let it get this bad in the first place!

OTHER COUNTRIES ARE LAUGHING AT US!!!! BECAUSE WE DESERVE IT.

He Agreed

to participate in Screen Free week (Apr 18-24). I don't know if he realizes it is no internet either. I hope so... This has potential to be really awesome for us. I hope we are ready for it! In other news I will be retaking a course I got a C- in as a freshman as a way to boost my GPA. I am going to make this work. I will get an A in this class. I will also be attempting to make stick homemade deodorant pretty soon. I find myself going for the commercial deodorant I have left because it's easier to apply. Aannnddd I need to buy our plants for this summer.

Snow.

I'm ok with it snowing on March 31. April 1, however, it better not snow. I want it to warm up. I want to take my baby outside for a walk!

My mom always spent a ton of time with us outside and I want to do the same for Rhea. I can't force her to like the outdoors but I sure can try!

Erik and I have decided we will be getting rid of cable this summer. In an effort to save us some money and get our buts outside. I'm interested in seeing how this works.

I hope this is a decent summer.

I need an A

Problem: I need an A in my Econ course to get into my college's education program. My only grade in this class is a 74. I only get one more test and a quiz. I'm pretty sure this is impossible. It's only slightly my fault that I got a 74. The rest is the fault of a certain VW Jetta that decided that right before my exam was a great time to shatter it's fly wheel. That was a fun night. Erik had to come and pick me up, with crying baby in tow. The standard transmission gave out on the only hill between me and my test. I managed (with help) to get it off the street into a reserved parking spot. Then I had to rush the test. I completed the 50 questions in under 10 minutes. Then I had to rush out and help Erik get the car towed to Coventry. We didn't kill each other in the process though. I am still proud of that fact.

When I was young I used to rub my feet together just for the sensation. As we lay in bed I feel Rhea's little feet pushing into my thigh and I wonder if she is doing it because it's a new feeling she likes.
Sometimes I am completely overwhelmed by the little things she let's me experience anew. With all the horrible in the world I can appreciate her beauty.

This is uncomfortable

I choose to breastfeed my daughter. Not as much thought went into making the decision as some may think. It’s the first way any animal feeds their offspring, it’s easy and it is cheap. That’s pretty much it.

What I didn’t expect was how much other people feel they have a right to infringe their opinions upon my choice. How people feel they can comment on how they think breastfeeding is gross. Now many moms might tell me to ignore these people but I have a hard time doing that. This is all brand new to me and sometimes I feel a little lost and confused.

I’m not an exhibitionist. I don’t enjoy flashing my boobs around in public but I need to feed my baby. I also don’t want to be shut off from society in some small room because breastfeeding makes people uncomfortable. Why is it so hard to accept someone else’s choice and leave them alone?

If someone chooses to bottle fed I don’t get all upset. That is their choice made for their own private reasons. I couldn’t judge someone because they are doing something different from what I’m doing.

I’m extra sensitive to this because this is my first week back at work and I’m pumping to feed Rhea. The way my office is set up I have no place to pump in private (except for an office that has windows and walls that don’t go all the way to the ceiling). I am not particularly upset about this but I know there are people I work with who will be. Not like it is any of their business but I guess that doesn’t matter. I also have to walk past a bunch of guys who look at me like; ewwww gross, when I go to clean my equipment.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I didn’t expect the mild revulsion that some people show towards a natural act. That is still throwing me for a loop.

Still, if I ever have another child I will still choose to breastfeed. It’s a lot of work and at times painful but I really do love the closeness it brings to the mother-child relationship. Plus, its WAAAYYYY cheaper than formula. ;-)

I totally forgot to write my entry that I spent all day thinking about. Poop.

There is so much to do

I've been trying to map out what I want to do in the near and distant future. It's difficult. I really want my freaking degree to be completed. I'm about halfway there. This is incredibly disheartening because it's taken me around five years to get this far. If I keep going at this pace I will be 30 before I graduate. This normally wouldn't be a big deal but I really freaking want my degree.



I want to go to OCS and become an Officer. There I said it. It's always been my little dream and I want to make it happen. I need my degree for it.



I will keep plugging away and see if I can make things work. I'll keep doing one class a semester until I'm 30 if I need to.



The other blank spot is Erik's upcoming deployment. I will be a single parent for a year. That means I probably shouldn't be adding to my work load. OCS gets pushed back another year. Oh well, so be it.



I have struggled the past few months about what to write here. I've lost a good amount of my focus and can't seem to bring it back inline. I'm hoping that returning to work next week will help. I really enjoy my job. I'm not as good at it as I should be but I'm going to start working on that when I go back. More focus on personal improvement. I'm going to work on my (severly lacking) photo skills and my atrophied video editing skills. Also I'm going to work on my physical fitness (because I want to look hot in my bikini this summer damn it!).



In other news:

Rhea had her two month check up and here are her stats:

11 lbs, 6 ounces (50th percentile)

22.5 inches long (25th percentile)

16 inch diameter head (97th percentile) GIANT FREAKING HEAD!!!!

She had her shots which she didn't like but got over relatively quickly.



This is what's been on my mind lately.

I'm happy being a mom. Its draining and overwhelming at times but then she will look at me and its worth it. She makes me want to be a better person.

Prepping for spring

I want to grow some vegatables so I can cut some costs at the grocery store. I'm not sure how large it's going to be. Mostly container gardening though because our soil is pretty raunchy. So definately string beans, some form of loose leaf lettuce and summer squash. I'm not sure what else. Any suggestions?

I should get started soon.
Monday is the start of my last week of maternity leave. Rhea starts daycare on March 1. I'm sad that I won't be spending all day with her but I'm also happy to be getting back to work.

Less stuff, more thanks
I've recently realized how easy it is to become hypocritical in lifestyle. I truly believe that I would be better off with less material goods but I still lust after the new and shiny. Especially with my kitchen. Well from this point on I'm going to make a conscience effort to not be so focused on newness and instead focus on enjoying what I have. This is a big step because my kitchen is a 70s horror show. At least everything works right?

That's it! I'm renaming my daughter Gasius Clay because she is the champion. Didn't get that from me. ;-)

No Impact Man, man.

We watched the first half of No Impact Man and I'm intrigued. Erik isn't sold on it I don't think. I really want to attempt to get rid of the TVs for a bit. I can't imagine how much time we waste watching TV. So maybe this summer we can limit our boob tube time.

In other news Rhea sucked on her thumb this morning. It was so amazing, watching her figure out how to separate her thumb from her fist and stick it in her mouth. I was a thumb sucker, I don't think Erik was.

She is going to be two months old next week and she has changed so much! My head spins thinking about it.

I mAde Erik try my homemade deodorant yesterday. Lets just say he's ticklish and leave it at that. :-)
I am finally at a place where I'm not a hormonal robot anymore. I'm not getting more sleep but I've adjusted to the lack. It makes it easier to be playful.
Rhea is 7 weeks old. It's going by so fast. *tear*

Ahh Thursday.

About half of the trash I wanted to throw out got picked up. I was too slow to get all of it out to the curb. Darn.

Day three of the deodorant change: I noticed that the creases in my armpits were slightly red and irratated. I'm thinking it is the baking soda. I could feel myself sweating today and still no smell.

My driveway is a sheet of ice and I'm more than a little pissed about it. I grew up in a house where the standard of being a decent person was set by appearances and that has shaped my view of my home. The pile of flooring on the side of my house is a black mark against me too. All I do is walk around compiling my mental list.

Prime and paint the hallway, put the finishing touches on the bathroom, replace the rotted out slider, trash the old flooring, fill in the low spots in the lawn. That doesn't even include my home improvement list.

Someday I will get to it. If daycare costs don't put us in the poor house. I've managed to just bring it in under $800 a month. Thats right, daycare almost costs as much as my mortgage. I'm scared to think about budgeting. Bleh.

She is worth it though. Totally. She smiles now and coos.

24 hours after initial application and only mild odor. I shoveled the entire drive way too so I definitely was sweating. I could get used to this.

Just in case your wondering, yes i did it. I made my own deodorant. I put it on before bed and it still smells good. The only thing I'm concerned with is sweat. I'm not a heavy sweater so I'm hopeful. I'll let you know.

Quick while the baby is sleeping:
I was reading my friend's blog (http://antiope.weebly.com/journal.html) and it reminded me of my fluctuating desire to live a less chemical lifestyle. Tomorrow I will be attempting my own deodorant creation. If Rhea cooperates. :-)

I would love to stay and chat but I'm trying to rush a feeding so I can go help dig the truck out.

Just Happy

Im doing good. Even though the weather outside sucks, I'm happy.
Rhea is doing really well.

Erik has been sleeping in the spare bedroom at night because he isnt getting any sleep. That kind of upsets me but he is soo much easier to deal with when he is well rested.

This winter just makes me want freak out about our house! It is so cold in here! There is no insulation anywhere other than the master bedroom. I guess that means I will be a busy bee this spring. We have the insulation now we just have to put it in place.

All quiet

My biggest fear is that Rhea will decide one day that she cannot sleep by herself anymore. Some days I can't get her to fall asleep unless I'm holding her. That really throws a wrench in the works for getting something done. Its hard to fold laundry or wash dishes with a passed out baby in my arms.

Right now she is sleeping on my bed as I type this. I use the term sleeping lightly because at times it looks like she is auditioning for a kung fu movie. I'm scared to move because then she will wake up and scream or worse want to eat AGAIN.

Some women have colicky babies, some have quiet babies. I have a ravenous baby. All she wants to do when shes awake is eat. I know shes getting enough because she still falls asleep after eating but I feel like a 24 hour buffet. It can get pretty frustrating.

Anyway I've been trying to pump some extra breast milk so Erik can feed her while I'm taking my tests on Saturday. (Still have no clue what I'm going to do for the Math portion... probably just fail it.) I haven't been getting a lot. Maybe an ounce here and there. So right now I have 3.5 ounces stored up. That's maybe one feeding and I'm going to be gone for at least three. Poor Erik.

Before Rhea:
I was often able to drop into a solid sleep at the drop of a hat.

After Rhea
I can't get my mind to shut the hell up! long enough to doze off.

Oh well. At least some of us are getting some sleep. I can only imagine the amount of stress my marriage would be under if Erik was as sleep deprived as me right now.

hello there!

Rhea had her two week check up today and she gained about a pound. Yay!

Erik went back to work this week so it's just me and her at home now. Plus the worlds most annoying two dogs. (Not their fault, just the way they are.) I tried to do some studying for a test I have to take on the 15th and I'm pretty sure I'm screwed... I don't remember half of the math stuff I need to know to pass. Seriously, who remembers square roots? Not me.

The good news is that I'm pretty confident in the Writing and Reading section. I took the practice test and only got one or two questions wrong for each section. Wahoo!

I have a confession to make.

I had an attack of hubris at the pediatricians office today. The Dr. asked me if Rhea had eaten very little formula and I proudly announced that she has never had formula. I felt superior for a split second and now I feel bad. I don't hold it against anyone for formula feeding. Hell, I was formula feed for most of my babyhood. So now I feel guilty for feeling better than anyone else. The funny thing is I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to breast feed Rhea for as long as "they" say you should.. Here hoping though because boob juice is free.

I feel pretty good now that she is here. Mornings are tough for me. I rarely can force myself out of bed before 10 a.m. but afternoons are easier thanks to a little caffeine (if you need the coffee fix, do it.)

See, I keep saying I feel good but the result is a scattered, disorganized post like this. When will my brain reconnect all it's circuits?